I’m sorry, but if you are suicidal, go get help. If your money is so tight, do everything in your power to make more. Again, you signed an agreement. You knew this was going to happen. And here you are AGAIN posting your private life online. You want to move on? Well guess what, this is part of it. You cannot ignore what the court has ordered you to do. You really should have thought about this before you cheated on your wife.